


Sherlock's Valentines

by erenwrites



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Big Brother Mycroft, Brotherly Love, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, John Is So Done, Light Angst, Multi, One Shot, Pregnant Mary, Sherlock Holmes and Feelings, Short & Sweet, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 11:52:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6004960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erenwrites/pseuds/erenwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Very short one-shot about all the Valentines Sherlock gives to people. <br/><strong>(Valentine's Day One Shot)</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	Sherlock's Valentines

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's day, everyone. <3 You all are so amazing, I just had to write something. My writer's block is gone and suddenly I need to write _everything_. 
> 
> If you don't celebrate Valentine's, whether because you are single, or for your religion, or your sexuality or romantic orientation, or you just don't, I hope you have a lovely day nonetheless. 
> 
> I'm ace and aro (I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic, 100% sure I'm asexual.) and I still celebrate it. If you are aromantic and you hate this day because of all the couples or whatever, think about family and friends. It's possible to love someone without being in love with them. Spend the day with people you love. (Who you aren't in love with.)
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!!<3

Dear John,

I remember when we met.   
I thought it was a brother; I lost a bet.  
I didn't know about the mother.  
Love, love, and whatever.

I killed myself in front of you,  
I really didn't think that through,  
I'm pretty sure it won't happen again,  
As it turns out, you're my only friend.

Perhaps I shouldn't have taken a bet with you.  
I honestly thought I could stay awake, too!  
But yesterday I lost the bet.  
Now I've got Valentines to set.  
I hate rhyming.

Piss off.

Love, Sherlock

-=-

Dear Gray, 

You're rather awful at your job,  
You should really check the knob.  
It's where the lady sobbed.

(Before she bled to death in her apartment.)

I just solved the case you were on, by the way.  
I hope you have a very good day.

Shut up. 

Love, Sherlock

-=-

Dear Molly,

You are a friend,  
I've got ties to mend,  
It's time I stopped pretending.

I do really care,  
Without you being there,  
I'd have no one to bring me coffee.

Also, sorry about Christmas.

Love, Sherlock

-=-

Dear Mrs. Hudson,

I practically killed your husband,   
He was a truly awful man.

I'm trying to be pleasant,   
but please try and understand.  
I really hate Valentine's Day,  
I really hate hearts,

Unless the heart is in a jar  
And I can experiment on the heart,   
instead of on your nonexistent car.

Did I mention I hate rhyming?

Love, Sherlock

-=-

Dear Anderson,

You really are an idiot,  
It's a miracle you still have a job.

You're having an affair with Sargent Donovan,  
I think that's a bit of a rob, yes?

It's Valentine's Day and John told me to be nice,  
But honestly, I really just hate you.   
Almost as much as I hate lice. 

Which you have.

You've been itching your hair too much, Philip.  
Get a nit comb. 

Love, Sherlock

-=-  
 **(A/N: Mycroft's gets a bit angsty, just a warning.)**

Dear Mycroft,

You're the one who's in the government,  
Somewhere our family bond got lost.

You're the one who always saved me,  
No matter what the cost.

You're the one who bought me Redbeard,  
You're the one who brought me home,

You're the one who took me to rehab,  
So I could finally go home.

You're the one who took up smoking,  
You're the one who took my drugs,  
You're the one who would never, ever give me hugs.

You're the one who I look up to,  
You're the one to whom I stand my ground,  
You're the one I consider my equal,  
You're the one I consider my profound(ly annoying brother.)

You're the one I really like, you see,  
You're the one who is different, just like me.

And I suppose we've never gotten along,  
And I suppose that last line isn't true...

And I wish that it could be like it was, however much I now hate you.  
Back when we still lived as pirates,   
Back when we still lived as friends.

Back when we loved each other, back when we played pretend.

And I suppose that it's now Valentine's Day,  
And I suppose that it's now gone.

Just remember, Mycroft, the list that we must act on.

Love, Sherlock  
P.S. You left your top-secret laptop on Mummy's potatoes again, so I took it.  
Did you honestly think that the Korean elections would go well? Seriously?

-=- 

Dear Sally Donovan,

Your hair is curly,  
Your skin is dark,  
When you call me freak, it really leaves a mark.

Or it would, if I wasn't a sociopath,  
But I am, so it doesn't, and I don't care at that.

Anderson really is right for you, although he has a wife.  
Both of you know how to ruin a crime,   
Mess up a scene at night.

I'm really only writing you this because John is making me,  
But honestly, stop messing up fingerprints, they're _important_.

Love, Sherlock

-=-  
 **(A/N: This one get's really funny but really _really_ Johnlock-y, so warning for that.)**

Dear Mary,

I wasn't sure how to put this,  
And I'm still not sure I can...  
But let me say this quickly,  
I really want your man.

You shot me in the gut, first of all,  
And then you made me do the same,  
Except I shot Magnussen, and it was right in the brain.  
Too soon?

Honestly, crimes are fun, you see,  
The domestic-ist-itsity (?) just isn't for John  
So I hope you'll be gone  
Before you find out you're pregnant.

You really are a lovely woman,  
But keep in mind that laws are changing,  
And now that John and I can be married,  
It's time he found out that he doesn't like Mary.

In fact, he likes males, I can tell from his blog,  
And the fact is that I do as well, so if that clears up the fog,  
I'm gay for him and he is gay for me,  
Although weather or not he knows it or not remains a mystery.

So back off of John, and let him and I be.  
The adrenaline rush is something he can only get...  
From me.

Love, Sherlock

-=-

"I'm home, Mary." John said as he walked through the door. Mary's head popped out of the kitchen. She had an odd look in her eye.

"I got a, er... Valentine from Sherlock, John. It's... interesting." She said, her face both amused and conflicted. John beamed, however. "Oh, yes! I got Sherlock to write Valentine's to people- even Mycroft, Anderson, and Donovan! I think he's really taking big steps. He's become so much more considerate- he even wrote me one. It's very nice, except for the 'piss off' at the end. And, well, the entire second paragraph was kind of odd, but whatever. He's trying."

Mary's eyes went wide and she burst into a grin. "Really?" She asked, slightly sarcastically. John nodded. "I think he's doing quite well."

Mary nodded, then burst the bubble. "Alright, look, I'm pregnant and Sherlock is in love with you, and I think you might be gay and honestly I'm starting to regret shooting Sherlock and having him become a criminal just to keep myself safe because Magnussen was an awful man, you know."

John's jaw dropped. "What?"

Mary nodded again, still grinning. "God, how didn't I see this. Ignore all that, John." 

John blinked, eyes still wide as saucers. "Er-what?" 

"Although I am pregnant."

" _What?!_ "

-=-

And that is why John doesn't make Sherlock send Valentines anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know what happened I thought it was going so well and then everything just kind of crashed and burned. XD  
> Anyway, whatever, happy Valentine's day, as you can see Sherlock had a great one. 
> 
> I don't know what happened when I was writing Mycroft's Valentine, it just got really deep and angsty and there was no escape so I just kept it and added a little quip at the end.
> 
> I think I'm funnier than I actually am.


End file.
